The sex questions.

Outside (and sometimes inside) of Foureyes, I am often asked sex questions by my friends. Usually I don't mind, really, because I know a fair bit about sex, and I love to help people. However, when it comes to sex questions, it's all in the phrasing.

You can very easily make me not want to answer your question, or give you shitty advice, if you say things like this:

1. "My attractive friend might want to have sex with me but has a boyfriend..."

2. "I've never really put it in because it 'hurt' the first time and then the condom broke the second..."

3. "Wait...where's my clitoris?"

4. "So you just touch it [clit] and orgasm?"

And here's why.

1: If you need to qualify with your "attractive" friend, that means you wouldn't be having this problem if they weren't attractive. If she was fat/ugly/whatever and had a boyfriend and wanted to sleep with you, you'd say no. So why is her relationship worth jeopardizing just cause she's hot?! I know that everyone likes what they like and most people don't want to sleep with people they don't consider attractive, but I mean really.

2: If it hurt her the first time, how about you don't try again, and you believe her when she tells you it hurts? You got the proof you needed when you tried again and the condom broke. It hurt her and the condom broke because she wasn't wet enough, because she wasn't relaxed, because you probably didn't do your job well enough during foreplay. Either that or she felt pressured or was uncomfortable with the situation, in which case find a better situation, sheesh.

3&4: Ladies. Please. It is not unladylike, slutty, or any other bad thing to masturbate. Same goes for porn. It is healthy, it is fun, it is normal (If you don't like porn, try erotica, or trashy romance novels!). When you masturbate, you learn your body. This means that you know what you have downstairs, and you can also better direct a sexual partner. Guys will (generally) think it is hot that you have previously diddled yourself. They will appreciate the help. Every girl is different and everyone has different turn-ons. If he learns yours through you and not trial & error, it makes everything go smoother, and, bonus! you will be more likely to come.

ON VIRGINITY: (male & female)

Ultimately, virginity comes down to you. If you think that since you've had oral sex, you aren't a virgin, cool. If you think that your first time with penetration didn't count for some reason, also cool. If you get "born-again" and re-virginized by a priest or something, cool. In my opinion, if you stuck your head into a party, you didn't attend. I'm not saying one or both parties has to finish, it just has to be more than an "oopsie daisy, poke poke done."

At the end of the day, I think sex is cool, sex is great, have lots of sex in your life. But don't slut-shame, because if that girl was a guy, he'd be the champ. Guys: Don't expect girls to just blow you, and you'll be cool. Would you go down on a girl you'd just met? She doesn't want to do that either. Educate yourself. Learn your body and learn about the other gender (or whoever you prefer)'s body. Be safe. Learn about the different types of contraception/STD prevention.

Oh, and a footnote? A "vagina" is just the inside. "Vulva" is the term for lips, etc. I don't refer to your whole kit&caboodle as just a ballsack.